Is it normal to miss your booty call?
one two three fourrrrnication!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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