my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
