so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
