even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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