What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
