Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
