My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
