Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
