After last night, I could never be a politician.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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