I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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