Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
