I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
