Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
