We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
