omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
