So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
