um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Randomize
