don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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