Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
