And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
