his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
