So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
