He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
