Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
