At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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