I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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