if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize