I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize