I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
