If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
