My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
