Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
