I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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