I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
