im having a threesome with these popsicles
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
