Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
