The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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