How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
