I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
