Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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