She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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