Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
