There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
