She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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