and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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