We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
