Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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