you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
