she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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