o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize