last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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