yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
