On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we should paint friendship bongs
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