I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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