You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
