Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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