the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
