thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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