We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
