chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize