i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
