he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
