gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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