I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
