I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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