She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize