Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
