Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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