pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
