Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize