im drinking this country out of the recession.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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