my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
