Your tits are I can't wait for
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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