its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
