Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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